One of the judges was giving a guy hell because he couldn't do a black and gray tattoo. I really hadn't learned to do a complete black and gray drawing or a portrait. The sketch was far from a finished drawing. That's what Joan was doing when she was killed. Not a sketch, it was planned as a black and gray portrait.Without Joan I would have to teach myself how to do a decent black and gray portrait. It became my mission and my obsession to learn to do decent black and gray portraits. Not just drawing, but portrait quality work every time.I didn't know a single person in the area that did black, gray, and white drawing on paper. There was a place where people did black and gray pictures almost daily.I fell asleep planing my next move. Yes, Joan and Jose were back again. Joan became more insistent that I have sex with Jose. My problem was that the sex games Joan and I played were in my mind but in the dark of night they felt real. They felt so real I stopped visiting chat rooms. I just. Mujhe dekhkar unhone kaha “come in monty. Hav a seat.” Main jakar unke saamne wali chair pe baith gaya. Maien kuch bolne k liye muh khola to usne mujhe chup kara diya. “mujhe pata hai ki aajkal tumhara dhayan kahai hai” maine kuch nahi bola. Wo boli “chup kyu ho?” Main bola “kuch nahi maam!” “arey sharmao mat ! Main janti hu ki iss umar mein ye sab aam baat hai!! N by the way main hu he itni hot” aur ye kehkar wo hasne lagi! Aab mera darr bhi chala gaya tha. Main bhi bola”wo to hai maam. Aakhir main roz-roz aata kyu hu?” Wo boli “ye kya maam-maam laga rakha hai? Mujhe ishika kaho” meai bola ki maam to wo boli ki tumhe samjh me nahi aaya ki maene tumko ya bolne ko bola meai thik hai ishika to bolo ki tum mujhe yaha kyu bulye ho to wo boli ki tum sunday ko mere ghar aa sakte ho meai bola kish liye maam to boli pahle aao to fir main batati hu ki karna kya hai. Main to bahut khush tha kyuki maam to puja ke liye to bulati nahi main bola kitne baje maam to beta main tere ko saterday ko.
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